CRAZY NEIGHBOR!
Commenti (110)
Theresa Holt
7 anni faThree weeks ago we had some crackheads (who had been chased out of a foreclosed home that they set on fire trying to cook with a straw bale they stole in the fireplace) out by our fire pit with a tents. Took Miss GiGi out, walked up and told her to watch and poof they were gone.
Monica Wandel
7 anni faEvery situation is different. My neighbors destroy my property. My neighbor kicked at my sweet dog. I am afraid of him harming my dog in other ways. Whether they be crackheads, experiencing a mental illness, or are just plain horrible people, every situation needs to be addressed as its own.
ljsaeman
7 anni faI am with Jennifer D. Please do not bake cookies and make excuses. You are the only one that can set boundaries that you are comfortable with. Please be more direct with him, or ignore him when you are outside. Do not let him believe that what you feel is unacceptable is OK. You don't have to be nasty, but too often an uncomfortable reaction may be "mistaken" as encouragement. Definitely try to speak with his wife or other neighbors to see if you are a lone recipient of his attention. I feel sorry that you are in this position. I wish you luck and I hope that you do not have to live in a fortress or spend money to build a fence, but you do have to be more direct and be careful.
Monica Wandel
7 anni faIt's a whole new world out there. Neighborhoods used to be stationary, now they are so transient. People don't even bother to know their neighbors.
PROJudyG Designs
7 anni faUltima modifica: 7 anni faDocument three of these "experiences"...date, time, words said, etc. Then go to the police, show them your notes and ask for a restraining order.
Lonely is one thing; suggestive remarks another.
keri762
7 anni faHey there, I am sure you are not the first neighbor to have issues with this man. The man knows you are "new" and is taking advantage of that. My husband and I are neighborhood watch for our street. We has an elderly man who was also a peeping tom-- very similar issues-- See if your neighborhood is on Nextdoor and network though that site. Talk with the other neighbors about the issue. Sorry you are dealing with this.
Plant a bunch of privacy hedges, pampas grass etc.
Geneviève
7 anni fa@ Monica
how true that is and how unfortunate too, I think that society hides their feelings behind technology way too much these past years , it is become a buffer zone with no emotions and feelings towards people , its easy ...just type things down instead of confronting and speaking our thoughts face to face to people ,instead we sit alone on front of a monitor and write down our points of view , we are slowly loosing the abilities to communicate with our friends and neighbours . After reading some of the comments on here I really believe that we need some improvement if we want a better planet to live on .
Adeco Decorative Wood Wall Hanging Sign Plaque "Friendship" Off White · Maggiori informazionisuedonim75
7 anni faNot everyone wants to know their neighbors, and they don't have to. It's not about the ability, it's the desire. I wave to my neighbors, and occasionally talk to them, but I have no desire to be friends with them. It's not "unfortunate", it's how I choose to live my life.
Your neighbor is a pig, Parkinsons may have diminished his filter, but I'm sure he has always been a pig.
papillon2
7 anni faI agree with several who have said DOCUMENT! You will need accurate records if you ever need a restraining order. Also, it might be worth a small fee to run an online background check on this man to see who you are really dealing with and whether he has any criminal background. Chances are that he's just a garden variety nut, but it might pay to check it out.
papillon2
7 anni faAnother thought--there are several kinds of window film that you can apply which make it difficult to see into a house in the daytime. They range from a mirrored surface that would simply reflect your neighbor back to himself, to a slightly darkening sun control film that makes it hard to see into a house in the daylight. Maybe something like these would at least give you daytime privacy.
jmm1837
7 anni faThere are also blinds (sunblock?) that allow you to see out during the day, but no one can see in. But I think, foliage is the first step, and fencing if possible.
Geneviève
7 anni faI never cease to amaze my neighbours , let them look I say ! I only wish that I had the full size leg:))
Jenn TheCaLLisComingFromInsideTheHouse
7 anni faIf the OP decides to seek a restraining order, they will most likely be steered towards what is called a "Civil Harassment" order, because the neighbor has never resided with OP nor have they been involved in a relationship other than that of neighbors. If the neighbor decides one day to punch OP, police are called and cart him off to jail on assault/battery charges - a restraining order may be sought provided that OP indicates their concern over further physical harm to the D.A., and if the applicable laws in OP's jurisdiction allow. Either way, there will need to be a lot more than 3 instances documented regarding the neighbor's behavior towards OP.
I hesitate to recommend any specific course of action because I am not OP, therefore I cannot determine or judge where to draw the line and what OP will be comfortable with may be drastically different that what I'd be comfortable with were I in this situation. My super creepy neighbor who used to sit out on his back patio watching me through the window above my sliding glass door (which provides a view directly into my bedroom) before I had blinds put up, moved away. Like watching me getting ready was how he liked to start his day, sitting out there on his patio having breakfast and being creepy. When he moved, I was relieved.
PROTerrence Howell Home Staging and Art
7 anni faFind out his full name, and look him up online. Find out if he has a criminal record . Try looking on the local sheriff dept. website and get the list of sex offenders in the area, you may be surprised what you may see. Do a online back round check on this guy. And if it comes to a restraint order do it. Stop being nice. This guy is crossing the line.
onthebrinck
7 anni faYou guys are sugarcoating this! This guy is a voyeur. He probably brings the binoculars out when the wife's not home. I'd be completely creeped out by the idea that every time I go into my yard this guy is holding binoculars with one hand. Get that arbor vitae today!
User
7 anni faNot to be an alarmist, because I'm not. I think if this continues you would be best served to consult a lawyer not Houzz. We are all caring people but we aren't able to help you with a safe course of action. Make sure you are safe above all else. We joke but these things do escalate. Good luck.
luvourhome
7 anni faUltima modifica: 7 anni faHey Kacey, sorry you are having this problem.
As you know, nut-jobs are not just limited to this site, or the Internet, but extend to real life. And thank God that some nut-jobs don't live near in real life. I'm sorry you have one so close.
As a nurse, I have all sorts of theories and likely diagnoses for why this man is inappropriate. And believe it or not, there are some men that are actually just lusty pigs--regardless of age. But you know what? It doesn't matter. It's not a problem you can handle alone, so don't even try.
An easy and quick fix is to develop a sudden interest in volleyball. Whether you like the sport or not is irrelevant. (Bonus if you do!) You just need use of a net. Install it at regulation height as per men's or women's height. (The choice of which will depend on which will better obscure the view of your windows from the road).
Once the net is installed, invite over the biggest, tallest and most-imposing men you know for "testing purposes."
**But don't you or any other girls play!!**
Be sure that you test the net on a day and time when Mr. Pervert is home.
The noise of the volleyball will get his attention and likely bring-out his binoculars. At that point you can have Chuck or Bob knock on his door and "double-check" that he doesn't want to come and watch in person.
"Hey, we saw you watching with binoculars. That's a bit weird, don't you think? Would you like to come and watch?"
Nothing foreceful or threatening. Just friendly, but aware. Leave the size of the guys alone to be the factor that sways him. It should solve the problem.
When you are done with that game? Hang those cheap and shiny emergency foil blankets from the dollar or camping store. Anchor them to the net so they are loose enough to sway ever so slightly.
If anyone asks? You have been having problems with birds. (It's not a lie. He IS a looney-bird.) That's it. Install a camera with date and time, etc. above your front door.
If he ever tries to come onto your property for a "better view?" You have proof of trespassing. No telling how long this will take.
Kacey, take comfort that *some* older people are literally a royal pain in the axx no matter what you do or say. Illness or no illness. They will make-up stories, toss their "theories" of your craziness around, and secretly keep tabs on you because their youth is gone. They are jealous. Nothing more, and nothing less. Their days are short. They have a chip on their shoulder. They are often retired, alone, and lonely, and don't interact much with real people outside the internet or their home, watching with binoculars, hoarding, collecting junk, and other nutty behaviour, etc. They likely have no family and few, if any hobbies. (Except collecting, hoarding and all other means of making your life more miserable if you let them! Laugh off their nuttiness as much as possible.)
They like to be right at all costs. You cannot reason with them. They don't respond to it. They have no sense of humour and wear their nuttiness on their sleeve. They are busy-bodies up the wazoo. We all know at least one. Sigh.
Senility and Alzheimer's or Dementia are not a natural part of growing old and not all older people will end up with any one, or all of these. Some people's personalities are simply such that they exacerbate in older age. That pain-in-the-axx retired person often becomes a larger one as elderliness increases. Sad, but true. Retirement is a severe jolt to the system if people have gained a sense of identity from their work and have not replaced it with something socially acceptable.
You can't change idiots. This neighbour of yours is an idiot-regardless of reason. Just do your best to make his life more complicated for peeping without your breaking the law. Document everything and put up with the annoyance of the volleyball net for awhile. You can play when you are certain he is not home. Hopefully he has lots of medical appointments. Don't bother with the wife. She's another case.
Eventually he will die or move into a facility. You just have to be an extremely patient sort.
Good luck!
P.S. Don't drink and drive. + Please, don't.
greenwoodframed
7 anni faWe have a neighbor who has the entire outside of his house wired with cameras, including those that live stream a full view of our front and backyard 24/7. In better times, he invited us into his house and showed us the split-screen tv in his kitchen where he watches all the cameras live (he is 75 and is home all day it's his wife.) When someone had their car broken into in front of his house, he told the police he lost the tape because he "doesn't want to get involved." So he literally just sits in there all day and watches everyone, including us.
Apparently this is not illegal because they are not pointed at the inside if our house and are mounted on his property.
anyone have ideas? Am I being sensitive or is this weird?luvourhome
7 anni faUltima modifica: 7 anni fa@greenwoodframed. Weird is an understatement. But still not as weird as what I have met in real life, lol.
Beat him at his own game as much as you can. When you come home, ensure you always have a mirror handy for practicing morse code on a sunny day. Add mirrored tinted-film to all your windows. Ask him how to install a camera set-up at your own place because of "weird neighbours."
Create large poster-board slogans of colourful phrases or just blank ones. Put them up in front of your house for a few days. Tell him that paranoia can be reduced by visiting his shrink and taking his meds, so offer to drive him to his next appointment. Hire a snow-machine for your kids and accidentally ensure the whole neighborhood gets some, lol. Tell him about a great new seniors facility with state-of-the-art security and great meals! He feels safer with his cameras. It's a false sense of security, but may be the only one he has, sadly.
Or you know. Move. Or wait until he dies. It will happen eventually. Ignore him the best you can. You will need therapy if you try to change this guy--he ain't changing!
onthebrinck
7 anni faUltima modifica: 7 anni faHey: Greenwoodfarmed: Nonsense to all these elaborate and costly remedies. Get a long stick and knock ever camera out of wack ... eventually the focusing gears will break. Alternatively, get some hornet spray and spray every camera lens every day.
luvourhome
7 anni fa@onthebrinck--Lol. Great ideas, but I have a feeling it will fall back on the poster and that's who will get stuck paying for the cameras.
Although I will say that shaving cream crossed my mind after your hornet spray...
I have to go do something else. The sunshine is beautiful today and reading about crazy people is depressing and a waste. The crazy people seem to out-number the normal ones lately. Rolling eyes. Sigh.
greenwoodframed
7 anni fawe bought the place in 2014, so no moving. We will hopefully live there longer than he has left (not to be morbid...)
- PRO
Terrence Howell Home Staging and Art
7 anni faSounds like both you and your husband need to give this guy an attitude adjustment, next time he points cameras or anything towards your house.
Let him call the cops next time.
luvourhome
7 anni fa@greenwood. Not morbid, just going with the odds. Hey, how about that bagpipe practice you have at 9PM? Is that still on? And your tuba lesson at 10? Lol.
greenwoodframed
7 anni faLuvourhome we do know he likes to sleep in on Saturday mornings because he complained to us about our noise one time. Sounds like we need to start enjoying some early morning bass-driven electronic music. His bedroom shares a wall where our kitchen will be and we do love music while we cook...
My husband has also joked about putting up a bunch of fake cameras and pointing them all obnoxiously at his front door and backyard (although we wouldn't have them hooked up to anything, obviously.) Not sure if that is going too far or not...
onthebrinck
7 anni faWell, if you're not into my hornet spray or @lovourhome's shaving cream, how about staging some drama. You and your husband go into the back yard and have a knock down, drag out fight. Your husband knocks you to the ground and stages a coup de gras with a pitchfork. Then drags your body off to the side of the house. Then wait to see what he does --- or the police come. Play it cool with him or the cops, as if nothing has happened. Maybe have only your husband answer the door or move around the front yard. Check out Rear Window with Jimmy Stewart for inspiration.
greenwoodframed
7 anni faonthebrinck lol don't want the husband to end up in jail! He's a busybody around the neighborhood anyway and will likely tell the entire block that we are terrible, awful people (which he's already done.)
Unluckily for him, my husband and I love to entertain and have a pretty large group of friends- our annual crab-boil brings about 70 folks usually, which is a lot for a NYC property. I think he is going to be extremely displeased when we have that many people over and when he is not invited but the rest of the block is.Living in NYC, we can't expect to have the same privacy as most other places- there are probably 10 apartments or houses that can see into our backyard in one way or another. It does, however, seem like some next-level creepiness to be watching us all day, live, from inside your own house. When people can see us from normal methods (walking by the front yard or looking our their own windows,) we can generally see them as well and we know when people are likely to be out and about (IE not at 5am, for example.) When they are monitoring us from their kitchen, we have no way of knowing when (or why) they are watching.
I don't know... again, maybe I'm reading into this too much and need to get a grip. We've been doing work on the house and have had issues with him over the past 6 months so we've had a lot of time to stew.sandyandconnigardner
7 anni faThis sounds very much like Alzheimer's. Call the local Alzheimer's Association and talk to them. Your conversation will be confidential. They know how to deal with things like this and can direct you to the organizations that can help this man and his wife. Meanwhile, plant red tips. They grow quickly and would look good with some bottle brush planted on the street side. Don't make a full hedge, just plant an odd number in groups here and there across the front.
gtcircus
7 anni faPlease have some sympathy. I suspect this gentleman is displaying the first signs of dementia. It sounds like he is loosing his judgment filter. I would talk to his children if he as any and remember this is not him, but likely a progression of a terminal illness. I had a similar situation with a neighbor and I've worked in health care. You need to remind yourself it is the disease not the individual who is behaving this way.greenwoodframed
7 anni faI'm assuming you're not talking about my neighbor because he is still as sharp as a tack. Just nosy.
luvourhome
7 anni faI like the idea of the front-yard drama, greenwood. If the police come, just explain you are practicing to possibly join a theatre-group and you thought your neighbour was filming your audition, lol.
markandjill21
7 anni faI would like to comment but first I'd like to know what the front of your home looks like?greenwoodframed
7 anni faUltima modifica: 7 anni famarkandjill21 we are in a nyc townhouse so we don't have huge fences or anything (I don't think it's allowed on the front) Backyard has about a 7' fence but his cameras are mounted high on his house so he can see behind it (along with our other 50 neighbors who have windows higher than street level. I digress...)
kathleen MK
7 anni faTalk to other neighbors and check the sex offender list, but it truly sounds like the painful start of dementia.
I remember my Dad loosing his judgement and filter long before he got official diagnosis. Sadly APS were no help and the VA was worse. If you get to see any of his kids talk to them. They may not realize how bad it is getting. Talk to his wife too but she may be in denial about his decline or worse yet exploiting it. Plant a hedge but be kind. Report creepy stuff to the police especially if he is on the offender list. Even if they don't do anything it will be documentation for the family when the hard decisions need to be made.
arvilla_trag
7 anni fa@Theresa Holt - 2 other words: Tibetan Mastiff, over 200 lbs of protective bad attitude. Even if this is a case of dementia, that does not mean this man cannot become dangerous. Just reading this dilemma has me completely creeped out. My personal solution would be to greet him with a 12-gauge, but that is probably because an old pervert talked garbage like that & worse to me when I was 13. Thank heaven my nearest neighbor is 1/4 mile away.
luvourhome
7 anni faUltima modifica: 7 anni fa@greenwood--It's NYC. Isn't everyone there paranoid and being watched since 9/11? Where aren't there cameras 24/7 there?
Maybe he just jumped on the Big Brother band-wagon and he is actually all there, mentally?
Susan Schutz
7 anni faI have had neighbors that just pop up out of nowhere to have conversation at past residences. Where I'm at now I'm 1000' off the road and just loving the privacy. Not everyone can move out to farm land, though.
One former neighbor was obsessed with my poplar tree that was over 12' around. He would come over when he would see me outside to tell me he'd be more than happy to get quotes on having the tree cut down. At first I thought he was concerned since he saw me constantly picking up branches. Then, after a year or so I found out from another neighbor that he's been obsessing about that tree for a long time. He got a price of $6000 and offered to set up the tree removal company appointment. Of course, I'd have to pay the bill.
Now, where his house was situated, if the tree fell it would never reach his house. That was his fear all along. The tree would hit his house. The neighbor across the street told me that he would go to their house and tell them to tell me to get the tree cut down. It wouldn't have hit them either. Only my house and the house directly next to me to the north would have been close enough to the tree for major damage. We looked at each other's houses one day and said at the same time "we're insured, could use a new roof...". That tree was going nowhere anytime soon.
It got to the point where I would only pick up the sticks if I had seen him drive away.
greenwoodframed
7 anni faluvourhome I think there is a difference between preventative measures or trying to bolster community safety, both of which are achieved by having security cameras. What I DO think is over-the-line is watching them all streaming to your kitchen all day. That seems creepy, invasive and weird.
luvourhome
7 anni faUltima modifica: 7 anni faI agree, but maybe he doesn't see it that way. He may see you as a threat somehow, so he feels justified in his own little way. He likely has a mental deficit or neurological deficit happening, but 9/11 could have triggered his watchfulness.
The best people to call would be your Adult Protective Services and report your concerns. If you indicate a possible danger to self or others, they will pay a visit. You are concerned for his wife's safety and the neighbours.'
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Terri Henderson